Star Wars VII Stupidity Awakens

I have been a Star Wars fan for as long as i can remember. I remember going to the movies with my dad, uncle and two cousins to see Star Wars Episode I - The Phantom Menace and I loved it. I am one of the few who prefer the prequels instead of the sequels but I like episode 4, 5 and 6 as well. I played the video games and had lightsaber duels with my friends and all but I didn't read any of the books or anything like that. I just liked the movies, the Jedi's and the entire universe as a whole. Then Disney walked into the room and announced the seventh movie and I looked forward to it in many ways and knew in a way that at least it would probably by a very good looking movie. But even some of the most impressive CGI effects I have ever seen couldn't save Star Wars VII from being one of the worst experiences I have had with a movie.

I didn't really hate on the sale of the Star Wars franchise to Disney because George Lucas isn't a perfect director by any means. What they did to Indiana Jones was a rape beyond belief. So I thought that now we would get some new movies and all, so it was okay. But the way the Star Wars universe was turned into this soft and pretty family movie that was so linear You had figured out the plot after watching six seconds of the first trailer. We will get to the butchering of the lore later but first of one of the biggest problems I have with this movies is that it's basically a reboot of Star Wars - A New Hope.









Every major piece of this plot is taking right out of the first Star Wars movie. You have a droid that holds a very important secrete. A Major elderly character dies by the hands of a former friend/ally/son, there is a big rescue mission, An evil empire like enemy has a huge weapon that the good guys has to destroy in a fashion that involves a full scale assault and a slow ass and intense fly-by bombing, The meet-up with Han and Chewbacca takes place under fire and is followed by an escape and it just goes on and on and on. This is so linear and boring. Why didn't you just make a real reboot of A New Hope with the same actors, some script and all, but with modern film technology. You go out a brag about this being the new chapter and talk about how the force awakens and you show of the First Order as the new empire but it doesn't fucking work when you're watching a 3 hour long cliche with things you've already seen before 100 times on dvd. It was an amazing movie visually and the Starkiller Base looks amazing but if I wanted a movie that looked good but had a plot that didn't make sense and bad acting I would watch Pacific Rim. It's that simple. This is a Star Wars movie! This is not Predator or a Starcraft the movie. This has to make sense in at least the way the prequels did. And when you boast yourself with having created something new and you're kinda starting over on the biggest franchise of all time it has to work. 

And one of the biggest ways The Force Awakens fails is in the plot. The overall whole makes sense in the kid friendly and Hollywood way where we like each other and the bad guys took a beating. But there are so many stupid details that screw up everything. The first one is: How the fuck does Luke's old sword get in the hands of the innkeeper? If it was that fucking easy to get a hold off don't you think Luke would have gotten it from that Bespin tunnel system at some point instead of building a new one? We all saw Luke fall through the shafts and hang on to that antenna thing after Darth Vader cut of his hand and dropped the daddy bomb on him, so why hasn't the lightsaber gone the same way? Bespin is a gas planet that almost has no substance. How the hell do you find a lightsaber in the atmosphere of a gas planet when you don't know where to look? There are so many questions about this retarded detail. You could just have taken Obi Wan's saber from the fourth movie because it is onboard the death Star after he's killed by Vader. Maybe a Stormtrooper could've taken it or Vader could've hidden it and a scavenger found it after an Imperial Destroyer crashed or hell anything. It could also have been Luke's new saber which he could've given to the innkeeper. the fact that it's Luke and Anakin's old lightsaber ruins it all. Even the Traitor guy can't save the part at the inn cause it makes no fucking sense.

Captain Phasma is the biggest waste of time I have ever seen. Uuhhh look she's played by the big bitch from Game of Thrones and what does she do? Nothing. But that's not even the biggest problem I have with that character. Because why would a company or army as large as The First Order even consider recruiting women? Nothing against women at all, they can be just as powerful and tactically sound as men but recruiting women mean that you need two types of every part of gear you have. The female body is different then the male body so they can't wear the same armor. Then add the fact that the average woman is shorter then the average man so you would recruit more men then women because your army has to have some standards concerning the physic of your soldiers. So you have to get two types of armor so that the few females you have in your army has an armor that fits. That is an logistic nightmare. Either it's male or female soldiers you have both makes no sense. And why wouldn't you just cut every single case of difference by using clones. The movie mentions clone troops so why on earth would you risk having a guy like Finn in your army? Don't take that chance how millions of the same guy follow your orders. Just a brain dead plot hole that makes The First Order look like a bunch of retards!





But by far the biggest issue I have with the Force Awakens is how it takes a shit on the entire lore concerning the force. Mastering the force takes talent and years of effort, practice and focus. You go from being a padawan, to a knight and finally a jedimaster. You have to be patient, have knowledge, wisdom and earn the respect of the master and tradition. You're told that not every jedi or force sensitive are equally powerful. Not everybody can be the choose one or Yoda but you can still improve you still have to work hard to enhance your skills. The Force Awakens takes a big shit on all that. Rey can be as hot as she wants but you're telling me this dessert chick is gonna out force Kylo Ren, a skilled force user that's been training for years? You're telling me she has mastered the force hours after learning she was a force sensitive? And that she is better with a lightsaber then Kylo Ren as well? Bull to the fucking shit! You can't do that! Even Anakin Skywalker had to train his ass of to become the chosen one. Yeah he was good at fixing stuff and flying but you can't just use the force whenever just because you think you know what it is. If that logic is the going standard why the fuck would you even bother finding Luke. Just go with it. You already beat the bad guy once. You're on a roll, stick with it. No, you know what? There is no need for the jedi. There's no need for a jeditemple you can simple just do it out of know where so why give a damn. The Force Awakens ruins everything the was pure and great about the jedi. They had to work for it, be patient and good to achieve their power. It's all pointless now cause some bitch can master the force inside hours! 

A movie can be as beautiful and stunning looking as it wants but when you're dealing with franchise that is as widespread and big as Star Wars is then you can't just take a shit on everybody. Now, the new fans of the franchise, the kids who saw their first Star Wars movie last December thinks that this is how it works and that is wrong. They'll get butchered for their thoughts on the force and the jedi all because this movie tries to rewrite the entire lore. And in doing so have created so many enemies that the real fan can't help but to cry and be angry that it went down this way.




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