Bring back the balls of Eurovision!

One of my favorite moments every year is when Eurovision comes around. Every spring it is time to once again listen to some of the worst and most generic music of all time and thank god it's annual. You get to see third world countries show of exactly why they are underdeveloped and see some reasonable singers and the like, perform at a level so low it should be illegal, but in 2006 something strange happened. Some heavy metal band named Lordi, all dressed up in monster style costumes, won the contest with a song named Hard Rock Hallelujah and I couldn't believe my own eyes. This post is about what happened that night and the entire problem with eurovision.

First off I voted for Lordi myself and then went on to do something els that night in may and turned back on to the Eurovision later that night and saw Lordi in front with 100 points. WTF. Lordi, off course from Finland, reminded me of Gwar an american metal band that have insane costumes on when they play. They honestly looked like crab but at least it was something els. I remember they had a number one hit in Denmark when they launched their music video and everything was crazy. I felt like it all got out of hand at the end but it was funny as hell to see them win the Eurovision Song Contest. The song is nothing out of the ordinary. It is a simple construction with a female voice in the choir to brake out of the shell and a whole bunch of organ that lays the foundation. The organ gives it a church/apocalyptic feeling but other then that it's not a special metal song. But at the time I was 13 years old and all in on metal so I thought it was kick-ass and got on board. But how the hell was this eve possible? I don't think that many men or metal fans even watch the Eurovision. so how could they have voted on Lordi. Eurovision is always watched by the same people every year here in Denmark and none of them would ever vote for Lordi, so how could this be?

I'm gonna call this how I see it. The Eurovision Song Contest is one big shenanigans. Every winner since the turn of the century has been pre-ordered or in another way been fixed to win. Lordi then seemed to be something new. A winner that wasn't a pop song you got tired of after 16 minutes. They didn't sing of love and all that normal shit, They screamed "Hard Rock Hallelujah" right in your face. But that's the thing, if they were so different then how could they ever win? Two years before Ukraine won with some of the worst shit I have ever seen. The word soon spread about how the former Eastblock countries were voting on each other and had agreed on Ukraine as their favorite. The song was terrible and I feel like Eurovision had to do something about it. The year after, they led Greece win with a gorgeous female singer Elena Paparizou and then gave a European country their first ever victory off the contest, Finland. And the song just happened to be by the band Lordi. You see some of the same tendencies every year. Azerbaijan won with another shitty song in 2011 and was again close to winning in 2013 with a song that was even worse and in 2007 Serbia won with a terrible piece of music that made every living being with a working brain throw up instantly. Conchita Wurst won this year in a contest that seemed so rigged it wasn't even funny to watch. Everybody went nuts about the bearded lady and all, and that is why she won. The song was pure crab but she/he/it won because of the publicity involved. The dutch song was the best song by far but you could see it coming from a mile away. One year Belarus came in second with a song that sounded like it was recorded in a barn with livestock in it. And this is why it's fun to watch. It's rigged as fuck and therefor funny that normal people eat it all up in good faith.

That brings me on to the next point. The main problem with the Eurovision is the songs and artists involved. Everything sounds the same and nothing is special. I think of all the songs that have entered the contests through the years there are 3 songs I like two of them are Danish and one is Swedish. God I love Carola and her song Fångad Av En Stormvind out of 1991 and the Danish song from that year Lige Der Hvor Hjertet Slår by Anders Frandsen is so soft and pure it almost gives me a hard on. Two of my favorite songs ended up winning the contest but the main point is that it's all crap from start to finish almost every year. Songs in bad English about love and a broken heart is heard over and over. Only countries from Balkan seem to think out of the box, with insane rap shows and guitar shredders blazing on stage but they always sing in a different language then English and therefor I feel like they shouldn't deserve a vote because I can't understand a word of what they're saying. I vote for them anyway to Created some havoc but who cares. Everything sounds exactly like the song before and when ever there is something special like Moldova's song from 2010 that created Epic Sax Guy it didn't even reach the finals. If everything is rigged anyway then why not make the best song win every time instead of this shit? Any way it's sad more then anything cause I think there is some real talent to find along with some good songs, but everything is chocked in the talk of equality and having a united Europe. Please bring back the balls of Eurovision or at least some decent talent from time to time!



Get a life and start listening to better music!